I am coming out of my shell a wee bit....Grandmas funeral was a welcome relief. I don't understand the whole "viewing" thing that people do. Seeing her in her coffin definitely made it more real to me. I hadn't seen her before her death, so my memory of Grandma is sitting at my brothers wedding, laughing, and telling me I need to have 6 kids. Laughing, because we both know that ain't happenin'! ;) That is what I choose to remember in my mind.....not the coffin. (although that is very visible.)
I will be excited to be past the newborn crazies! Not the depression kind. I am generally happy, so I don't feel the baby blues...except for when I cried in my closet, but they tell me that's normal. I mean I am excited for the germ freak mother to chill out inside my soul! I am not ashamed to say "My names Denise and I am a SNOT hater." I can get dirty camping and fishing or playing with dogs, but show me someone with snot on their face and I want to RUN the other direction or at least bust out the hand sanitizer. This "mind-illness" of mine seems 10 TIMES magnified with my new little baby. It feels like if someone coughs in the same room as her, my brain says "huh,are they sick?" Driving me wild, hence the quoting of Rob Thomas, "I'm not crazy, just a little unwell."
I haven't always been this way. In high school I was quite normal. You wouldn't know I was a germ freak with all the boys I wanted to kiss. Notice "wanted." doesn't mean "did." I think my fear of germs developed after having kids. It is a miserable time when kids get sick. Disagree with me about germs, sure, but this is a point ALL mothers can attest too. Having sick kids suck! And then when the husband gets sick...hello fourth child. J/K Mark, I love ya!
If she's 3 months old and I haven't emerged, then call an "intervention." But for now, please don't judge me. :) and hand me the wipes.
I love to read NEI~NEI. She makes me happy. ooh and watch MONK. There is a kinship there.
2 comments:
LoL, I love you! & I totally feel your pain about snot! I'm sorry about your grandma- you were the first person I thought of when my mom told me- I know you guys were close. I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on with the birth of your beautiful little girl & then the loss of Aunt Colleen... In my oppinion, you're allowed a few more cry sessions in your closet :). How long are you going to be in NM? We're heading down to Rocky Point this weekend & would love to visit you if you'll be home.
Oh Denise I just love that picture of Kayley she is bEauTiFuL!! She has changed so much since I last saw her. I thought your post was great :) lol made me laugh. I don't like the "snot" either and I think the same thing when I here anyone coughing... :)
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